• May 21, 2013

    thoughts on :: a return to blogging

    lemons

    welcome to day two of the new blog! one of my goals for this revamped little corner to write more often in a way that is honest and (dare I say it) vulnerable. truth be told, I’m not sure how that will pan out, but in a first attempt, I’m going to take just a few minutes to talk about where I’ve been and why I’m back.

    I have to admit, it has not been the most obvious or easy of decisions to return. up until that first post yesterday morning, I went back and forth on a daily basis about whether or not I really wanted to start this up again. (have I mentioned that I chronically over-think everything?) less than a year ago, I had gotten kind of used to feeling stressed and overwhelmed and spread razor-thin. and so when I got to nashville, I just decided to take a deep breath and a step back. I entered into life here more slowly. more methodically and intentionally. I needed to let go of a lot of expectations and obligations that, by my own addition, had overwhelmed my life. I needed to find small ways to be patient with myself. small ways to be kind to myself.

    and this site (or the old one) had to be part of that step back. I needed to refocus and rediscover why I even had this little corner to begin with. because if I’m being honest, sometimes I feel a bit weird about this whole blogging thing. in the beginning, this site was meant to be a love letter of sorts to my friends and family spread all over the world. and it has become, on my best days, a love letter to the beauty and connectedness in the world around me, even as life feels increasingly disjointed and mundane. but there is always this tension when I’m writing. questions of why I am really doing this at the end of the day. why I feel the need to write about my life in a public space. why I want to add my voice to the multitude of other bloggers who seem to do it much better than I ever could. truthfully, I’ve been sitting on this new site for quite a few months, wondering if I really wanted to dive back in. wondering if, in a world where some people actually get paid to blog, it mattered if I came back or not. and then wondering why mattering was so important to me. I am nothing if not over-analytical.

    and then I read this piece by my friend, shanna. and among many other candid and wise thoughts, she wrote this:

    “For me, the biggest difference between blogging because I love it and blogging for recognition is this: I forget
    what I’m doing here…what matters, really, is the passion and love behind it, with or without recognition, with
    or without acclaim.”

    and I remembered. ultimately, this little corner does matter. because it matters to me. I want to write about life and share it with you, my friends, in california and oregon and virginia and germany and wherever else life has taken us. and I would be lying if I said I didn’t care about  people reading what I write. there will always be that tension between wanting to be noticed and wanting to be known. but more than that, I just want to write about life – for me. ultimately, this space is meant to claim a small piece of creativity in days full of task lists and errands. and to remind me of who I am and of what I love. and to keep a track record of what is good, if only for the days when I am grumpy and lonely and in a rotten mood. I want to really see the ordinary instants around me that are beautiful and true and tell of a broken world striving to be whole again. and I want to celebrate them because I know that they are a small mirror to my own self – broken but with the hope of being whole one day soon.

    {don’t forget about the GIVEAWAY! click here for details.}

     

    Filed Under: THOUGHTS ON...

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    6 Responses

    1. Shanna says:

      I’m glad you’re posting again and glad you’re practicing creativity in such a tangible (and, yes, public!) way. There is so much to be gained and learned from this crazy blogging community; I often question it, but I’ve never regretted it.

      Also, another post worth reading, because she says it so well: http://thekitchensinkrecipes.com/2013/05/15/back-here/

      • carriehorton says:

        Shanna, thanks for the encouragement! And thanks for that post, too. I love the Kitchen Sink, but haven’t seen that post. You are wonderful!

    2. So glad you’re blogging again, Carrie! There will always be a group of people who love you know matter what, and those are always the people that I write for. Like Shanna just said (so wise!), “I often question it, but I’ve never regretted it.”

      beccagarber.com

      • carriehorton says:

        Becca! You are actually one of my favorite inspirations for blogging. You and Shanna – you two really need to meet someday :) (also, the photo above is of real sicilian lemons…such wonderful memories with you, my friend!)

    3. Brie says:

      Carrie I am so glad I get to keep up with what you’re doing in this way again! Jeremy and I miss you and talk about you often, we are actually coming through Nashville on our big move to North Carolina and you are one of the main reasons we want to spend a day in your city! We need to catch up soon. I am proud of you for picking this back up again, I am always so inspired by blogs, especially yours. You have such a beautiful way of writing. Love you and miss you!

      • carriehorton says:

        Brie! I am overwhelmingly excited that you will be stopping in Nashville!!! I just did a little happy dance in the middle of the coffee shop…awkward :) Send me details when you know them!

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